took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
