I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
