i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
