You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
