Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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