At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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