Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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