Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
