Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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