Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
