Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize