Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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