'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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