Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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