Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
