I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
