well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
