i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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