Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
