my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize