saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
