you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
