So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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