Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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