I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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