he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
