I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
