remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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