Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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