Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
