i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
