Got a toothbrush?
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
