I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
