I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize