You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
