Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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