so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
