Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
