I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
