so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
