I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
