Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
