Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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