She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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