the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
