I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
