were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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