i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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