I hope mine doesn't look like that
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
