Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
