Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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