forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
