i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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