i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
