I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
