No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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