The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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