haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
