Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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