Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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