ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
