i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
