dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
