forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
