he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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