You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Text me some of your sweat
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize