So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
