the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
