You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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