Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think a kid would responsible me up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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