I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
