Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
