It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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