At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
