so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
